i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
