peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
