Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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