My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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