I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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