thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
