I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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