I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize