I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
