Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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