Have you finally orgasmed yet?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
