You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize