This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
