I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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