I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
