i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize