His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
