i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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