I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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