How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
