I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
