if you like me you must not know who I am
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
