Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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