We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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