why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize