I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
