why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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