I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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