What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
