Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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