you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
