I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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