we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
