what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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