I think i peed on brittanys purse
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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