youre lurking in front of me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
