stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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