and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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