If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize