you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
