so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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