she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
