By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
