Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
