dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
