i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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