What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
