Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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