I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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