Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
