omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
