I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
