I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
as a side note pls kill me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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