Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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