We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
