**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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