belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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