fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
