I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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