So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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