Don't make out with my wife yet
its not stalking. its research.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Two words: blizzard sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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