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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Public safety found my id!

  (248): View more from Michigan

  And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she sounds like chewbacca in bed

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• (425): View more from Washington

  well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

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• (845): View more from New York

  HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...

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• (310): View more from California

  I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.

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