turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
