did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
