Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize