I'm really into asian looking animals
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
