I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
