he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
