Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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