Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
