woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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