I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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