he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
