Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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