Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
