You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
