I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
