I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
