allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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