I like to think it a success when the cops are called
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Congratulations! We have a period
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