when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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