Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
