sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
