I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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