You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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