Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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