Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
