oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
