Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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