Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize