I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
