Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
