i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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