I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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