Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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