I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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