The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
