Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
