I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
