The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize