do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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