Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
